Today vs Yesterday vs Tomorrow

The teaching of "One day at a time or just for the day" is one of the coping skills taught in many types of therapy. Yet I asked the question is it possible to live today without yesterday and does that some how effect tomorrow?

The past is often a deadly demon that hunts most of us like an evil spirit. Regardless of how many times we have forgiven do we or will we ever forget? If we were abused in any form (emotionally or physically) how do we ignore reminders that we bump into today? How do clear our hearts from worry that our demons will not follow or harm our own children?

Is it possible to release completely from the past? If we know we have forgiven everyone from the past do we still some how blame ourselves? Or are do we envy ourselves as mothers and wish we had experienced better in the past? Is that what it is in our children ....we give and love them so much more that we felt we were love we secretly wish we were our own mother? I hope that makes sense.

I know the past haunts me silently and in my sleep. I have got to find a way to make it go away so Today and Tomorrow can win this race. Today I declare war against the past.

Seek Help not drugs

I noticed that a couple of moms have emailed me and voted that they too were depressed. Lord knows I am not the one to seek advice from but I will say seek help. Find emotions anyomous in your state and area. Find a therapist or some kind of group. Call your insurance lots of them have phone therapist who will talk to you 24 hours a day. Talk to a Pastor maybe not yours but one from another church. But dont dwell in it alone it will only get worse.

Me... I as still confused. But all I can do is continue to take it one day at a time. I have children that need me and a husband who loves me and most of regardless of what I feel I love myself.

What would GRANDMA do?

You know we all have grandmothers that give/gave us wisdom. Boy did they carry some loads. You know I have started thinking and soul searching and saying to myself Grandma would say PRAY, GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, STOP TAKING THOSE ANXIETY PILLS and take care of your family.

And you know are Grandmothers were right. They knew the answers more than any doctor or therapist. They knew that if we used prayer or meditation as a way to calm down there was no such thing as a panic attack. They knew if the bills got behind that cutting a little here or there would get them paid.

They knew alot. So when in doubt ask yourself "what would Grandma do?"

Looks can fool anyone

OKAY now the admin at the hospital say I dont LOOK depressed. Neither did Brittany Spears until she shaved her head. How many people really have an imbalance in their lives where they need support? Lots but they never get help because they look picture perfect. I finally take the step to get support and well now I dont look depressed?

Maybe I should have worn my pajamas to sessions or sweat pants? Not comb my hair...stop smiling and isolate myself. Then maybe I will LOOK depressed?

IS their something wrong with looking good? When do therapist and hospital admin make medical decisions on designer purses?

Looking the part is the reason so many of are depressed.

Morning Rush

So Daddy talks all night about how he has to go in late today. But this morning for some reason he thinks he doesnt have to take the kids to school. 1. They love when he takes them 2. Why do I always have to be in a rush (remember I have to be at the out patient by 830am) Why do husbands feel like they are exempt? Why do they never volunteer to help out? Am I superwoman? Yet he never understands why I am depressed. I am tired. Recently my back has been hurting and I am short of breath all because of stress and anxiety. I have to just sit and calm myself. I keep telling my kids my allergies are bad. Only if daddy would volunteer? Would help without me jumping up and down. And on another note, why do men leave their clothes on the floor more than children? Never replace the papertowel or toilet paper roll... I could go on and on.

Resentment

Is it possible to have post partum years later? I mean when you are just tired of your kids. Sometims even resent them? You love them to death but you just turn the tv on and say WATCH! Everyone else thinks you are a perfect mommy with your well dressed kids and you in that one pair of jeans or that famous pair of sweat pants that you normally wear.

Then you get angry at your husband who strolls in ready for dinner. I personally lock myself in my room and still do something like clean the bathtub or the closet.

Have I forgotten how to relax? Some days I feel like driving up to Wal Mart with hubbie and kids saying "I dont have a receipt but will you please take them back."

Mom admits

WOW! Mom is in rehab from 830 am until 3pm. How did it come to this? Am I crazy? How did I become so depressed that I ended up here. I mean well the doctors say I didn't take my medicine right. My husband says it is from my childhood and because I dont exercise. Other moms say it is all in parenting and how we mothers go on and on being a mom without anyone really noticing.



So I am depressed and really don't know why? I sit in my closet sometimes alone just to think. Wonder about decisions I've made. Recently I have spent over $1000 shopping my problems away. From Macys to the $1 store you name it. I look fab but I am not happy. Am I in love with money? Do I want too much?



So here I am in rehab with these people. Some are plain out crazy. Some are poor and without basic needs... housing, clothing, jobs and have no way out. Then there is me... the mom who lives in nice size home, with the fab purse and shiny hair. Yet, when I tell my story these people have cried for me, hugged me and told me that I will be okay.They all tell me how lucky I am to have a husband who supports me emotionally. How brave I am too humble myself to come to a place like this. They also labeled me a shopaholic and now I am an addict too? But for some reasons I have been okay in rehab. With the right sessions and therapists I understand the lesson. Grant I already dont like one of the therapist. But overall mom is in rehab and wanted to admit today that she is Depressed and a Shopaholic!

My question to you reading this are you depressed?