Lucky vs Sastified vs Grateful

I know that I am lucky. Lucky to have the things that I have. The extras that I have. I know that their our many mothers who wish for the extra help around the house. Or even the little things like getting a pedicure every now and then. But is it ever enough.

Why am I not satisfied? Why do I feel like what I have is deserved instead of a privelege? Are my expectations too high? Do I feel like I have some type of Diva syndrome? How and what is feel is not new it is just different. Because I am different. Is wanting a nice piece of furniture any different from when you were younger wanting a nice pair of shoes?

But am I grateful? Am I thankful? Or am I arrogant and boastful? These are all thoughts I toy with about myself.

Depression...Cross to Bear

What does that really mean? Someone told me today that we all have our own crosses to bear. So does that mean this is just my cross. I mean a cross to bear ... was to the end. Jesus carried his cross for it to be the torture that lead him to death.

If depression is my cross...will it lead me to death?
Is depression killing me inside? Killing everyone around me? Am I speaking of happiness and tomorrow only to become a memory. A story. A sad story at that. If this is my cross.

Well then it can't be cured or fixed? It is just there and will be there haunting and torturing me until the end.

Own Space

Tired. Today I am tired. I little tired of myself. But I feel guilty for bringing all of this to my babies. I know they can feel my pain. Often I just wish I was alone. Not without them but alone. In my own space. I know that you can easily say take them to school, get a sitter whatever. But it is not the same. You know being in your own space.

Who gives a damn?

Damn it! Who gives a damn. Husband kids dishes all this stuff who gives a damn. How did this shit happen to me. All that damn screwing ended up to this. Didn't they tell us NOT to have sex.

I am so over it. I should have been a NUN.

Lost and Racing

Have you ever felt lost? Like you loose everything you put your hands on. You had a cup and then you remembered to get a magazine then you lost the cup. Why are our minds so busy multi tasking that we are forgetting. We can't seem to focus on one thing. We are in a place of confusion and then a place of frustration because the perfectionist in us wants to find whatever it is we have lost. Now we are racing. Racing to keep up.

LOST

Perfect

Am I the only person who wants to be perfect?

You know the perfect husband. The perfect kids who dress well, attend the best prep schools, culturally diverse and exposed.

Perfect dinner which includes an entree for daddy and different for the children.

Perfect house staff..you know maid, nanny, gardner all at a frugal price.

Perfect wardrobe. You know I can toss on any little thing

Perfect friends. The kind that understand you and the kind that can work a crowd.

Perfect seats to the Lion King.

You name it Perfect. Do you want to be perfect or is it just me.

2008

So I haven't had the chance to talk to you ladies for 2008. Well I have decided to ring in a New Year. You know set those resolutions. How about we set some that we promise we can handle this year.

Like keep the bathroom clean because it really bugs us to have a dirty sink?
What about not missing our hair appt? Come on ladies you know those roots need a new dye job?

HMMM..whatever it is take baby steps but those little steps will eventually grow into leaps and before you know it.

Hell our husbands will remember WHY they married us!

Too much for my self.

VogueMadre